over and done with

today, for the first time in a year i think, i relaxed. i grabbed some lunch, picked a bench, and sat outside by myself to eat. it was wonderful.
I'm officially....DONE!!! i'm no longer a freshman. i have finished my first year of college.
what a relief. three more to do.. ha! i can do this, hell yeah i can do this.

One down three to go

Three more exams.
seven days til i see benjamin.
nine days til i see my family.
:D

be careful what you say

work is slow today. my brain is slower.
i have, however, managed to confuse myself while thinking about everything that has happened to me this year. so much, and yet not enough.

somedays i feel like i don't know what i want to do with my life or where i want to be. i don't know what degree i want to graduate with, or what i want to do with my education. i don't know where i want to live, or where i want to work. i don't know if i want to get more involved with school. somedays i hate school and i wish i could leave this place.

but somedays i love being here and i love learning. and somedays i know exactly what i want. somedays i dream. I want a home, a family, some kids, a teacup puppy. i want to become something like a biomedical engineer, or a chef, or a wedding planner.
goodness, what am i saying? i don't know anything. my future is pretty fuzzy. i don't even know were i'll be at the end of this year.

i love ben -- i think that's all i know. that whatever it is that i decide to do or want, i want to be with him. i love him. eleven more days.

see, confusing huh.

into the dark

Dad, your boy is about to fall.
He walks the razor's edge.
He's on the brink of fading out.
He's at his bitter end.
Dad, your boy who used to run, you taught him how to crawl.
He left home to find his own, now all he had is gone.
In your eyes I see a darkness that torments youand in your head where it dwells.
I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it.
Let's walk away from this hell.
Mom, your baby is on his way.
He'll soon be at your side.
Cause he's forgotten all he's known.
A part of him has died.
Mom may never understand why baby's come and gone.
He left home to find his own, now all he has are lies.

juliana theory

college is weird.
i think i can say that now that i've been here for a year.
i love it and i hate it.
i want to leave but i want to say.
people are accepting of others. i like that. i feel like i don't have to pretend i'm someone i'm not.
but it's nothing i ever expected it to be.
i don't think it is the best time of my life as some said it would be.
i think that best is yet to come.
college is weird.