be careful what you say

work is slow today. my brain is slower.
i have, however, managed to confuse myself while thinking about everything that has happened to me this year. so much, and yet not enough.

somedays i feel like i don't know what i want to do with my life or where i want to be. i don't know what degree i want to graduate with, or what i want to do with my education. i don't know where i want to live, or where i want to work. i don't know if i want to get more involved with school. somedays i hate school and i wish i could leave this place.

but somedays i love being here and i love learning. and somedays i know exactly what i want. somedays i dream. I want a home, a family, some kids, a teacup puppy. i want to become something like a biomedical engineer, or a chef, or a wedding planner.
goodness, what am i saying? i don't know anything. my future is pretty fuzzy. i don't even know were i'll be at the end of this year.

i love ben -- i think that's all i know. that whatever it is that i decide to do or want, i want to be with him. i love him. eleven more days.

see, confusing huh.