rocky road

i was writing ben an email, not really knowing what i was going to say. but half way through, i started thinking about how i felt things were really going, and this is pretty much what i came up with:
it's so confusing at times, trying to sort and figure out exactly how i feel about being here in a new place, and being away from all that is familiar to me at the same time. it's hard for me to know how i want things to be around here... like do i want to be super busy again? do i want to bury myself in school work? do i want to take it easy? do i want to make a lot of friends? CAN I EVEN make a lot of friends? do i want to just be invisible, stay in my room all day, and never say anything? it's hard to know what will happen. right now it feels like i've been at this school for two months, and it's only been less than a week. i also feel that i'm one of the only ones who isn't starting to feel comfortable, who hasn't hit it off with a bunch of people real quick. but, i guess, in a strong way, that's my fault. i don't think i've once gone out of my way to meet anyone new or say hi, or anything. and i also can't decide if that's because i don't want to, or if i'm to scared to. do you think it's a combination of both?
and, i've probably said this to you before, but i feel like i've forgotten what it's like to be new, and what it's like to make friends. people here are so different, more different than anyone i've known before. but i don't think i can describe exactly how they are different. is this making any sense? i think it's the closeness about the philippines and faith that i miss. i miss knowing everyone well, and fitting in. i miss not caring about what brand of clothes i wore or what "stereotype" I fit into. i miss how popularity and "likeability" weren't measured against how many frat parties you got invited to, or what "image" you try and convey.
but, now that i think about what i've been saying, i do realize that i've barely given my college life a chance. i don't really know anyone that well (save a handful of girls in my dorm). so i can't really say anything about their character or how well i'll fit in. i KNOW that i just need to give it time, but as you know, i'm an impatient person. man! i need to work on that, huh!
the people here, the community here is an accepting and friendly one... everyone's nice, and willing to help. no one's brutal and uncaring. so that IS wonderful. it's a silly thing, trying hard to figure out where i'll fit in, when i should be asking myself how i can stand out. this is definitely challenging; i will also need to relearn the importance of what it means to fully rely on my God.